Parenting Myself When I Cry

I think crying is one of the healthiest things we can do. Because so many of us are taught not to cry or show emotion, we grow up becoming experts at suppressing or avoiding our feelings. And of course it’s not always the ideal time to emote when a feeling arises. Sometimes we need to wait for a good pocket of our day to let it out and process how we feel.

I’ve read that our pent up emotions accumulate over time in our bodies, and manifest as stress, tension, and disease. The lack of free expression of our feelings (and essentially, our truth) leads us to put up walls and use defense mechanisms that block authentic connection and joy. The Wisdom of Anxiety author Sheryl Paul talks about how over time we accumulate a wall of unshed tears. This completely resonates with me. While I cried a lot as a kid, it was often with a pit in my stomach, and a feeling of something being wrong with me. I often cried when feeling hopeless and just generally shitty. I didn’t get relief from crying unless it was met by another person offering me kindness and compassion (because I didn’t yet know how to give that to myself).

And I think that’s the key to crying as adults. We have to be our own parent and when we feel an emotion, allow it to pass through our bodies while we offer ourselves compassion and tender understanding. I put my hand on my heart or give myself a little hug (as weird as that may look) and say “Court, of course you feel this way. It’s ok. Let it out.” When I remember to give myself permission to feel, and validate myself in my own experience, the crying feels like a cathartic and healing release.